If there’s anything 2020 has inspired me to do – it’s to start over completely off the grid. With a global pandemic, social injustice, and upheaval altering every aspect of our lives, it’s hard to not be frustrated. This is a bad year for humanity. While everyday life has been uprooted, one significant aspect has taken a beating. Milestone events. Graduations. Funerals. Senior proms. Many of these irreplaceable moments were sacrificed for the greater good. But now (as impossible as it may seem), semi-normalcy is returning in the form of a re-opening economy and rescheduled (you guessed it!) weddings.
This is a tender spot for me. As someone who is moving forward with their third date, I don’t need to reiterate that a traditional wedding was important to me. After months of anxiety, I can finally (almost) count on a wedding that will strike a compromise between my dreams and guest needs. It’s quite the relief. And yet despite this good news, I’m disgusted by the latest social media trend. Bride shaming. While brides who eloped or opted to get married with ten or fewer people (which is fine!) have received outpourings of approval, others are victim to verbal stoning. After seeing people accusing postponing brides that they “just wanted a party” and a particularly hateful Today.com article that urged guests to “take a stand for what’s right” and not attend their friends’ uncancelled weddings, I want to voice my support. This is for all brides, no matter what decision you made. And that’s the point. It’s still your right to decide.
You Are Allowed to Be Upset
You spent months pouring over the smallest details. You spent hours packaging together multi-piece invites. You’ve catered to the needs of many and somehow didn’t have a nervous breakdown. Now this complicated event is canceled or at least, postponed. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to cry and need space from all things wedding-related. You are allowed to ignore texts until you’re ready to explain what’s next. The grief and disappointment are no less valid because of the cause. If anyone has raised their eyebrows at you for a less-than-gracious reaction, I’m giving you full permission to ignore that. You are allowed to grieve something that broke your heart, even if it’s only temporary.
You Are Allowed to Wait
While I’ve been stubborn, pushing my date in month-ish increments, there is nothing wrong with saying “Forget this! See you in 2021!” Simply, there are so many reasons why a postponement makes sense. Your venue may be booked for the rest of the year. You may be financially strapped. Your dress may be stuck in another state. Several factors could make next year more do-able. And that’s totally fine. Have a good cry and take a break from planning. Whatever you do, don’t give anyone the time of day that judges you for wanting a “party”. For many brides, this is more than a soiree. This is a public declaration of love, a blending of two families, and a chance to rejoice with your community. Do you still want to experience a day you’ve dreamed of since childhood? Wait with confidence for it.
You Are Allowed to Not Wait
If it looks like things may open up in the next couple of months, keep pushing your date if possible. If you’re living in a state that is allowing gatherings despite social distancing, then ,by all means, have your wedding! You’re allowed to keep your date and not radically cut your guest list if it isn’t required. Just like the postponing brides, there are plenty of reasons to proceed. Your age, the health of your family members, and a slew of nonrefundable deposits could all be prompting you forward. Contact your venue to understand any restrictions and proceed from there. But keep this in mind, if someone isn’t comfortable they don’t have to come. It’s not your responsibility to wait until there isn’t a drop of doubt among your guests. (Remember, you’ll never please everyone!) At this point, personal responsibility factors in and people can and will make the decision that is right for them. Encourage people to decide for themselves, but don’t hold up your wedding unnecessarily.
You’re Allowed to Feel Disappointed
Circling back to the right to feel, yes, you can still feel disappointed regardless of your choice. In a situation as uncomfortable and unprecedented as this one, nothing feels great. Brides who are waiting have to deal with the grief of postponement. Brides who are proceeding have to accept that people they love won’t feel safe attending. There is no perfect alternative to the world being turned on its head, but everyone is trying their personal best. All I’m asking for is that we can respect each other’s approach. (And let’s not beat ourselves up for the tears along the way.)
At the end of the day, all that matters is that every bride marries the right person and embarks on a healthy, fulfilling partnership. But in the meantime, the bride shaming can go by the wayside. If there was ever a time that we all needed to step back and give a little extra grace, that time is now folks.
To Each His Own 